The ‘fight’ through work.
An important part of this work how to deal with their order of things, and one that occurred naturally, was the intensively needed for the presentation.
In the past I’ve struggled a lot with wanting to create (bigger) things but not being able to do that on my own (and unfortunately not having the capacity to hire someone/ and not feeling comfortable asking for free help that often). This was a huge cause of stress combined with the fact that I felt totally sick that something I made needed to be approved and judged by some people in authority positions, called teachers. Ironically I felt so dependent and on their mercy to become a ‘free artist’ that it literally felt as if my life dependent on it. Mostly I froze instead of strived and a lot of energy got wasted into negativity and worrying.
I decided I wanted to be ‘free’ for now and to only create things I could make on my own (until I find the resources). I started to work very small. Unfortunately my ideas tend to (want to) expand. With this work how to deal with their order of things I could make a ‘big’ creation using a lot of small objects.
And this takes time, I received a lot of questions about ‘why so difficult/ why so much work?’ Well, sometimes I just need to struggle through materials, through gravity, through hard working, through all physical elements of creating a work, because it’s a mirror of how I perceive life and I feel the urge to transform this into art.
Creating through and with a material gives me a feeling of a little addition of empowerment with every act I do. I suddenly become aware of something higher than me as my lifeform on earth, above the conditions of society and with all the imagination, freedom and love, something not as vulnerable as this human body with all its traumatised destructive defects. Suddenly I feel like this creator I think we've all meant to be, like holding the universe in your hands and transforming it into what you desire. It's this feeling of empowerment and being able to create, in this created world of love and no harm life makes more sense then.